Modern Pressure

Today, we are going to investigate Proverbs for wisdom on the proper use of the modern phone—this means I’m going to yell at the clouds and implore you to get off my lawn.

A few years ago, a small boarding high school in Massachusetts, Buxton School, made a bold move: they banned smartphones entirely from campus. Keep in mind, this was a boarding school. This meant students couldn’t have smartphones in their dorm rooms—not even tucked away in a drawer. Their phones were back home in California or wherever they lived. In place of smartphones, the school issued Light Phones—minimalist devices that can make calls and send simple text messages. No browser. No apps. No YouTube. No social media.

When they made the announcement, chaos broke out. Students cried. Parents pushed back. But two months into the experiment, the results were overwhelmingly positive—and by all accounts, continue to be. Students report a sense of relief—freedom from the constant barrage of notifications and the pressure to stay connected. Teachers found themselves more present. Engagement in the classroom improved. The feared negative impacts? They never came.

This story highlights the widespread societal change having powerful, portable, connected mini-computers on us at all times has created. It demonstrates the challenges presented by our constant connection, and the everpresent hum of stress that underlies the constant presence of these devices.

But we all understand the genie is not going back into the bottle. We cannot expect widespread agreement in our workplaces, friend groups, families, or churches on when, where, and how to use our phones. We don’t have any principals or school administrators to do us a solid and take away our phones. No one is going to bail us out.

But we are Christians—filled with the Spirit of God. We don’t need our entire environment or social system to shift in order to live wise lives or follow our God. We can tap into God’s truth, ask for his strength, and step out in radical obedience.

And let’s be clear: living counter culturally with your phone isn’t radical Christianity. But it’s a great first step in obedience to Yahweh.

Build a Philosophical Grid

The Book of Proverbs, in its foundational chapters, repeatedly brings us back to the concept of two paths. Wisdom is calling. Folly is calling. Righteousness has a path. Wickedness has a path. Proverbs holds out these options as if to say, “You, dear reader—dear student—have a choice to make.”

And I believe the same is true when it comes to our phones. Will we use our devices as instruments for cultivating wisdom, fostering righteousness, honoring God, and building real relationships? Or will we use them to enable folly, as conduits for distraction, as means of pursuing ungodly desires, or even as devices that help us destroy community?

In a sense, Proverbs would say: the choice is yours. Your phone (or any other connected device) can be used with wisdom or folly. It can serve God’s purposes, it can nurture, and it can strengthen, or it can lead to distraction, comparison, addiction, and a total loss of presence.

I believe that for most human beings, life just sort of happens to them. And aside from maybe a few feelings of guilt or embarrassment over their screen time, most believers have simply allowed smartphones into their lives without much thought as to how they should be handled. But Christians in the modern world could benefit from building—and then adopting—a philosophy on phone usage that is saturated with Scripture, lest they be overcome by their devices.

If someone purchases a firearm in California, they have to meet certain requirements and pass specific criminal and mental health background checks, and they also have to pass a firearm safety certification exam. They pay fees, have to wait for ten days before the gun is released to them, and obtain gun locks or a safe for secure storage. Then they get trained by going to the gun range and practicing with their firearm. If we do all this for firearms, when it comes to carrying around the power of our hyper-connected, always-on, temptation-laden phones—devices that impact our minds, habits, psyche, sexuality, relationships, and so much more—we ought to approach them with equal seriousness. We ought to prepare ourselves for these devices.

Now, I believe Proverbs has dozens of things to say to help us build our philosophy on phones. But today, I want to interact with three key concepts Proverbs promotes that might help us navigate these devices with increased wisdom.

1. Steward your interior world.

One of the pillar concepts Proverbs gives us on the subject of phone usage is that it implores us to protect and shape our interior lives.

We’ve already considered Proverbs 4:23, which says, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Other translations say, “guard your heart,” “watch over your heart,” or “be careful how you think.”

The idea is this: everything we do flows from the condition of our heart. All of life—our actions, our attitudes, our perspectives, which turn into decisions, decades, and eventually a lifetime—starts with the heart. The stakes are high. As the New Living Translation puts it, your heart determines the course of your life.

So it’s vital that our hearts are not being wrongly shaped or unduly influenced—but are being cultivated, cared for, and shepherded in a righteous direction.

Now, sometimes we’ll acknowledge the difficulty of setting boundaries with our phones. With a slight smile, we might even say we’re addicted. Semi-addicted. But let’s be honest—many have shown in recent years that Silicon Valley has long understood the power of dopamine. Slot machines tug on people to pour in their quarters on the off-chance they might hit the jackpot. And the same instincts are manipulated to get us checking and rechecking our phones—maybe I’ll hit the notification jackpot. Maybe the next post will do it. Maybe the next video will land.

We might joke that we’re addicted, but the reality is… many of us are.

Sherry Turkle once wrote about this addiction to the neurochemical rewards the constant stimulation of our phones can provide us. Of this addiction, she said: “We are (merely) exhibiting a predictable response to a perfectly executed design.”[^1]

And just seeing things through that lens gets us halfway toward making some needed changes. Because when we fail to gain victory in this area—when we habitually give in to the impulse to check and recheck, open and reopen—we become like the man of Proverbs 25:28: “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” Or as the New King James puts it: “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.”

We must not let these digital syringes manipulate and control us. Because if we do, we’ll soon find that our brains get scrambled. We won’t be able to think deeply. We won’t be able to reason clearly. We won’t be able to converse meaningfully for more than a few minutes. And, as believers created to represent God in his creation and expand his kingdom throughout the world, we need to protect our minds and hearts.

I’d like to illustrate this with a thought from modern music. I often wonder what today’s musicians think about the fact that most music is now consumed via playlists. Sometimes, they’re autogenerated. Sometimes, they’re listener-made. The best, most emotionally fitting songs are pulled together from different artists and albums into massive playlists that can go for hours. But artists used to release albums. And fans would listen to the whole thing—from the first track to the last—engaging the storyline, the mood, the message the artist was trying to convey. Now, in our playlist world, we don’t listen to the full arc—we just chase bursts. Songs have to hit fast, or we skip. And I think the more we let our brains atrophy through lack of discipline with our phones, the more we develop playlist brains instead of album brains. We flit about from thing to thing. We can’t go deep. We’re constantly in need of stimulation.

But Proverbs 16:32 says: “He who rules his spirit is stronger than he who takes a city.” This means that the ability to rule your spirit is actually more powerful than the might required to destroy or conquer a city. That’s the kind of self-control we’re after. That’s the kind of self-mastery Proverbs calls wise. Because if we’re not careful, we’ll be completely overrun. Our eyes will glaze over. Our attention will atrophy. And soon, we’ll resemble the comical character of the sluggard that Proverbs often decries.

You know the one, never doing what they should because they make crazy excuses for themselves—there’s a lion in the road! (Prov. 26:13). Or the guy who can’t bring his hand up from the dish (Prov. 19:24) or turns like a door on its hinges in his bed (Prov. 26:14). They are completely dominated. They have no self-mastery.

This is what happens when the heart goes unguarded. And this is why Proverbs starts here—keep your heart. Protect your interior life. Because from it flow the springs of life.

And lest you think I’m being a little legalistic and aren’t presenting the fullness of God’s grace—a massive facet of the gospel is rescue from slavery. Christ came to set the captive free. Just as ancient Israel was freed from their Egyptian overlords, so Christ came to set us free from the powers that bind us. He lived and died for us so that he could redeem us and set us free from the prisons of life, so why would we go back to Egypt by allowing ourselves to be dominated by any screen, website, or device? As Paul wrote, “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery” (Gal. 5:1).

I once spoke with a woman whose retired dad kept sending her multiple YouTube links about a myriad of subjects. I joked, “Maybe I need to include a point about the appropriate amount of links to send your children in my Proverbs teaching on phones.” She looked at me and said, “It’s not the sending I’m worried about. I don’t even mind that. It’s the hours and life he’s wasting on his computer.” This is a daughter who knows her father is made for more—because he is.

We must steward our interior world.

2. Demonstrate integrity in that private world.

A second major thing Proverbs would say about the modern phone and Christians is that we must exercise integrity in how we use these devices—we must demonstrate integrity in that private world.

The modern phone—with its pocket-size screen and easily connected headphones—makes it effortless to privately look at or listen to what is inappropriate for believers. Pornography is the obvious example, but the temptations run far and wide: crude websites, highly sexualized social feeds, suggestive podcasts, and all kinds of inappropriate streaming content could bombard our screens every day. We must be on guard against all content that spoils the soul in the online space. Proverbs says:

“The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them” (Prov. 11:3).

“Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out” (Prov. 10:9).

Combine verses like these with the many Proverbs that warn against sexual immorality, greed, slander, hyper-critical speech, and friendship with fools, and the book is constantly saying: watch what you expose yourself to.

Through this five-inch computer in your hand, the desires of the flesh (what you want to feel), the desires of the eyes (what you want to have), and the pride of life (who you want to be) are only a tap away (1 John 2:15-16). If we are not careful, we will train ourselves—shape ourselves—in a direction entirely opposed to our Lord, simply by what we watch, read, and listen to. And if we fail to demonstrate integrity, these devices become little gods, telling us what to value, how to think, and who to become.

Because phones offer such privacy, we must pursue radical integrity. To do this, we must recognize our tendency to wander and either lock down our devices or open them up to others so we do not so easily slip into sin. As Paul wrote, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man” (1 Cor. 10:13). None of us is above temptation, so none of us is above practicing integrity—especially with devices that give constant, private access to the world. For many of us, as I said, the wisest move is to make our phones anything but private:

• This could mean installing accountability software that sends usage reports to trusted friends, mentors, or spouses (recommendation: Covenant Eyes).
• It could also mean employing services that block vast swaths of the internet to kill distractions and help you focus (recommendation: Freedom).

Recently, I learned that pro golfer Rory McIlroy is, like me, a fan of Cal Newport, author of Deep Work and Digital Minimalism. Rory uses the same software I do—Freedom—to dumb down his phone, especially around tournaments, so he can focus, and he recently credited that discipline with helping him win the Masters. McIlroy’s actions help point us to phone discipline, but I want to use his actions as a metaphor: focused integrity leads to victory. Get control of your phone and you can excel.

With deliberate, focused integrity, we can grow, mature, and win. But if we allow the filth, the distractions, or even the shallow perspectives of the world to stream endlessly into our eyes and ears through these devices, we will not progress as we should.

To live this way and cultivate this integrity, you must adopt two perspectives:

1. Break the cultural norm of self-expression and self-obedience. Practice self-disobedience. Acknowledge that there is an authority above you, and live in reverence to that authority. Admit that his way is best—whether you like it or not—and confess that we are broken and in need of his renewing work lest we destroy ourselves.
2. Embrace an alternate kingdom and way of life. You will be in the drastic minority if you refuse to click what culture calls normal. You will be an exile—different. John Mark Comer describes believers committed to living differently from their society as forming “a community of holiness in a culture of hedonism.”[^2] You must be content with being different.

God the Son was sent by the Father to this world. He took on human flesh, died for our sins, was buried and raised on the third day, appeared to many, and is now enthroned at the right hand of God as the ruling King. He has sent his people out with his Spirit to expand his rule and reign, and he will return one day! Let’s do everything we can to spend our lives well, to live consistently with his kingdom, and to be people of integrity until our King comes.

3. Be present in the physical world.

God—who is relational—created us for relationship, but he also placed us in physical bodies to inhabit a physical space. This relational God is also omnipresent—he is everywhere at all times—but though we are relational like him, we are not omnipresent like him. We inhabit bodies. We are limited. Yet the digital world tempts us with the myth of our own omnipresence.

Proverbs 27:10 says, “Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend, and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away.” There are friends—sometimes even our parents’ friends—who can be closer than a distant brother. In times of trouble, the neighbor who is physically near might be better than the sibling who is far away.

This challenges the way we often handle relationships on our phones. We cultivate networks of people who are nowhere near our physical space, and we begin to believe that a video on a screen, a voicemail in our earbuds, or a few lines of text are more valuable than the people in the room.

Now, we all recognize the incredible benefits of the connectedness of these modern devices. Just this last few days, I video chatted with my kid’s away in college, texted encouragements to pastoral friends in other states, and called people who were physically far away from me. Deployed soldiers, scattered families, and isolated Christians all over the world are thankful for our connectedness. But what I’m trying to highlight here is that the digital realm is packed with attractive, talented, educated, hilarious, stylish, and cultured individuals—even though we often only see a curated sliver of their real selves. Because of these features, it can be tempting to trade people in our physical spaces for those in the digital space. But, in the end, they remain digital beings. We are not interacting with the whole person.

Proverbs—and all of Scripture—calls us to prioritize real, embodied relationships.

A Moment for the Church

In our hyper-digitized world, many are rediscovering that physical interaction is healthier for the mind, body, and soul—this is why there is a never-ending stream of new coffee shops: we like being around other people, even if we’re not very good at it!

We are an embodied species—not spirits trapped in flesh, but humans meant to live in and through our physicality. God gave us these bodies to help us love, communicate, convey truth, and be truly known. And we serve a God who became flesh and dwelt among us—Jesus ate, drank, walked, and talked with us.

This is why the church remains one of the great bastions of gathering. Even our name—the church—comes from a Greek word signifying the need to congregate or gather.

We see each other face to face—observing the slumping shoulders of the depressed, the pep in the step of the newly engaged, or the vacant stare of the grieving. We hear voices raised in worship and proclamation. We watch older married couples and lifelong singles—men and women, young and old—respond in prayer and praise to the living God. We lean in to the Word together, nudging one another toward allegiance to Christ. We shake hands. We hug. We change diapers. We down coffee. Because we are physical beings in physical spaces, and we get so much from being with one another.

Jesus said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34–35). This love for one another is not a mere emotional sense that allows us to keep our distance. It is a present type of love, enabling the washing of feet—tangible care.

So, prioritize real-world relationships. Be present in the physical world.

Proverbs offers even more vision for our embodied lives:

• Proverbs 13:20 — “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Walking with the wise demands proximity and presence.
• Proverbs 12:26 — “One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” We need guidance from righteous neighbors—people we actually know.
• Proverbs 18:24 — “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” A thousand online connections will never replace one faithful, godly friend.

God made the world and placed us in it to image him. Sin tarnished that image, but God so loved the world that he sent his Son. Jesus—the perfect Son of God—became the perfect embodied man to begin a new humanity. He rose from the dead, ascended to heaven, and now sends his people into the world to carry his good news.

And if we are to be the salt and light he calls us to be, then we must steward our interior world, walk with integrity in our private world, and remain present in the physical world. If we do not, the mission of God will suffer.

Suggested Next Steps

1. Audit your phone life.
2. If needed, repent and confess.
3. Write a short personal phone philosophy.
4. Make adjustments to your phone.
5. Tell your people about your commitments.
6. Parents: lead the way
7. Social media: batch it

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[^1]: Reclaiming Conversation by Sherry Turkle

[^2]: Live No Lies by John Mark Comer

Further Reading

• The Tech-Wise Family by Andy Crouch
• 12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You by Tony Reinke
• Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport
• The Wisdom Pyramid by Brett McCracken
• The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer
• The Shallows by Nicholas Carr
• Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age by Sherry Turkle

Head (Understanding, Knowledge)

1. What foundational principles from Proverbs guide how we should use modern technology like smartphones?
2. According to the sermon, how does Proverbs define and emphasize the importance of guarding the heart (Prov. 4:23)?
3. What parallels does the sermon draw between ancient temptations and modern digital distractions, and how do these highlight the enduring relevance of biblical wisdom?

Heart (Feelings, Impressions, Desires)

1. How do you personally feel after prolonged smartphone use? Does it nourish or deplete your inner life?
2. In what ways do you desire to experience more presence—in relationships, in worship, in attention to your own soul?
3. When you hear Proverbs call you to integrity and self-control, what emotions or convictions surface in your heart?

Hands (Actions, Commitments, Decisions)

1. What’s one specific way you can audit your phone life this week (as suggested in the sermon)?
2. What change can you make to increase integrity in your private use of technology (e.g., apps, filters, accountability)?
3. How might you lead your family, small group, or friends to be more present in the physical world? What boundary or rhythm might you try first?