I don’t think I’m going out on much of a limb when I say the Christian vision of sex is under constant critique. Ever since the pill packaged the myth of consequence-free sex, our culture has drifted from the historical-biblical sexual ethic. This development connects us to the early church, whose sex ethic was also considered crazy, narrow-minded, and offensive. Now, here we are, in the same place.
What I’m trying to say is that it will take about five minutes for a new Christian to be forced to answer for the biblical sexual ethic. Once seen as prudish, it’s now viewed as dangerous. Through media, conversation, and cultural pressure, it will be challenged hundreds of times this week.
For this reason, we will approach this text in an attempt to absorb God’s wisdom regarding sex. At its base level, Proverbs 5 is a father’s warning to his son. He begins with a blunt caution (5:1-6), followed by an exhortation telling his son to keep his hands off everyone besides his wife (5:7-14), before encouraging his son to enjoy his sexual relationship with his wife (5:15-23). We will certainly meditate on that surface-level message, but will also use the passage to help us answer three questions:
- Question 1: Is sex death-producing or life-giving?
- Question 2: Is sex meaningless or consequential?
- Question 3: Is sex better scattered or channeled?
Before I proceed, I want to state my belief that because we live under the fall, all of us have some measure of sexual brokenness. The sins we commit, the sinful content we consume, and the sins committed against us have polluted the sexual waters we swim in. Created to fill the earth, subdue it, and excercise dominion within it, humanity lost dominion when we rebelled against God—and we’ve been fighting to regain it ever since. And one area our dominion is most clearly lost is in the realm of sex—rather than operate with self-control, many are controlled by it.
Fortunately, in Christ, dominion can be restored. Jesus, made lower than the angels, lived the perfect human life we never could. His dominion was evident—demons, sickness, and death fled at his command. Because he tasted death for everyone, suffering on the cross, he became the founder of our salvation (Heb. 2:9). His aim is to bring many sons and daughters to glory—and he is not ashamed to call us family (Heb. 2:10-12). Now, he serves as our faithful minister, able to help us in temptation because he suffered when he was tempted (Heb. 2:18). The Overcomer extends grace to every area of our lives, including our sexual brokenness, helping us regain what was lost. In Christ, there is hope for all who are sexually broken.
Now, let’s get to our questions.
Q1. Is Sex Death-Producing or Life-Giving? (5:1-6)
1 My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding, 2 that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge. 3 For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, 4 but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. 5 Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol; 6 she does not ponder the path of life; her ways wander, and she does not know it.
Our first question comes from the father’s introduction to the subject of sex: Is sex death-producing or life-giving? According to Proverbs, it depends. Not all sex is the same—some types lead to death, another to life (5:5-6). Sex outside God’s design leads down to Sheol (5:5), the Old Testament place of the dead, while wisdom leads to the path of life (5:6). So, does it produce death or life? If it’s with a forbidden woman, it is death-producing; if her way is avoided, the son remains on the right path, which leads to life (5:3).
To apply this passage today, we must remember two things. First, though framed as a king-father addressing his prince-son, Proverbs is for all of us—male or female, royal or not. Proverbs consistently calls anyone who needs wisdom to listen, as we already noted in the introduction to the book (1:2-7). Solomon writes to his son because his son’s temptations were toward women, but the principles apply universally—both men and women experience sexual temptation. Both men and women can be sexually predatorial. Both men and women need God’s wisdom on sex.
Second, the forbidden woman is a stand-in character for all sexual gratification outside heterosexual marriage (5:3). The lusts attached to humanity’s ever-expanding platter of sexual thirsts are one and the same with this forbidden woman. For the king’s son, this woman represented forbidden sex—she was tempting, available, and not his wife. All sexual gratifcation outside heterosexual marriage is forbidden—the Bible will go on to affirm this with a mountain of verses. So, the forbidden woman could represent everything from pornography to prostitution, from AI girlfriends to sex robots. Time and dignity do not allow us to list every distorted expression of sexuality—and even if we did, the list would be outdated in minutes. Humanity is endlessly creative in finding new ways to fornicate. For our purposes, we should confess that believers still operate under the forbidden/allowed paradigm—we want to know what the Lord wants for our lives. He shows us, in this passage and in a thousand places outside it, that any sexual gratification outside heterosexual marriage is forbidden.
Anything outside God’s way leads to death. Immediate physical death can be the result—consider sexually transmitted diseases or murders driven by jealousy (Air McNair, anyone?). But more often, it leads to emotional, societal, relational, and spiritual death.
Look at history: when the birth control pill was introduced, it promised “consequence-free” sex. What followed? Skyrocketing abortion rates. In 1965—the year birth control became legal—there were 794 reported abortions in the U.S. Within a decade, the annual number had passed one million.[^1] We expected no consequences. When consequences came, we sought ways to eliminate them. This is just one example of how sexual sin breeds destruction. Many want to “live in the moment” and see where their passions take them, but wisdom thinks of the lifelong consequences.
Solomon gives us two keys to overcoming the temptation of sexual sin. First, he gives us knowledge of the trap. He revealed the hook behind the bait, the trap behind temptation. He said her lips might drip honey, suggesting a rush of sweetness and a powerful experience at first, but that taste will soon turn as bitter as wormwood (5:3-4). She might have speech smoother than oil, meaning she speaks with seductive charm and flattery, but behind all that talk is the injurious slicing of a two-edged sword (5:3-4). This knowledge ought to help us see behind the temptations so that we can better avoid them.
Second, Solomon tells his son to combat her lips by keeping God’s wisdom on his own lips (5:2). If we continually remind ourselves of truth we stand a better chance against temptation. Many Christians have compromised here because they have gone to churches that prioritize personal comfort, cultural relevance, emotional experiences, or mere intellectual agreement, rather than embracing a faith that transforms every area of life, including sexuality.
So, is sex death-producing or life-giving? It depends. We’ll soon explore how sex can be life-giving, but first, we must recognize its power to destroy when misused.
Maybe this passage stirs up pain for you. Maybe someone ignored this warning and harmed you. Maybe you’ve fallen for the bait again and again. Or maybe you knew the truth and ignored it anyway. But hear this: you are still here. God’s path is still open to you. Just as he rescued Israel from Egypt, he longs to pull you out of bondage—he is Rescuer. He loves you, and he is calling you home.
Q2. Is Sex Meaningless or Consequential? (5:7-14)
7 And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. 8 Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, 9 lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, 10 lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner, 11 and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, 12 and you say, “How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! 13 I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors. 14 I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation.”
Solomon urges his son to steer clear of the forbidden woman—he needed boundaries. If he didn’t establish guardrails, he would lose his reputation (give your honor to others, 5:9), waste his best years (give…your years to the merciless, 5:9), and see his wealth drained (lest strangers take their fill of your strength, 5:10). And in the end, he would groan—his vibrant and energetic body wouldn’t be that way forever, and he needed to prepare himself for regret if he gave into the sexually forbidden (5:11).
Solomon paints a picture of a man consumed by sorrow. He will hate his lack of discipline, lament his refusal to accept correction (5:12), and wish he had listened to his teachers (5:13). One day, standing in the assembled congregation, his life will be exposed, and he will be ashamed (5:14). The youthful thrill of sin will have faded, leaving only regret. I once read of Lord Byron, the 19th-century poet and playboy, who wrote on his 36th birthday:
My days are in the yellow leaf, The flowers and fruits of love are gone; The worm, the canker, and the grief Are mine alone![^2]
In other words, “I’m thirty-six years old, and I already feel ancient. Love is absent from my life. All I have left as a result of all my escapades are venereal disease and depression. Where is everyone I partied with?—gone, gone, gone.” He had treated sex as meaningless but discovered it a highly consequential act.
This brings us back to our question from this mini-sermon from the father to his son: is sex meaningless or consequential? Many in our culture insist sex is meaningless—a casual act with no real impact. This idea is often rooted in a naturalistic worldview: if we are just highly evolved animals, then sex is simply a response to biological impulses.
If believers have a fairly straightforward sexual ethic—no sexual gratification outside heterosexual marriage—what society has produced is a total complexification of sexual ethics. But sex is not random or accidental—it is rooted in God’s good creation—another good gift from a good God to people he made in his image. And when he took woman from the man’s side, he made them to complement (enhance, fit with) the other, right down to their reproductive systems. In her book, Love Thy Body, Nancy Pearcey put it this way:
“Biologically, physiologically, chromosomally, and anatomically, males and females are counterparts to one another. That’s how the human sexual and reproductive system is designed.”[^3]
We like to joke that men are from Mars and women from Venus, but the truth is, we are both from the dust of the ground, made by God as the crown jewel of his creation, to fill the earth and subdue it, exercising dominion in his name (Gen. 1:26-28).
Because human bodies were created as the pinnacle of God’s created order, Christians have always held a high view of the body, seeing it as a potential dwelling place for God’s Spirit, which is a significant reason we want to abstain from sexual immorality. We do not believe our bodies are tools to use or jailhouses for our souls. We believe instead that our bodies will one day be resurrected with the resurrected Christ, glorified forever, enabling us to, in our embodied state, enjoy God forever.
And because human bodies were created male and female, which led to marriage for the first couple, Christians believe that sex is intended within the goodness of heterosexual marriage. We see sexual immorality as something to avoid because it goes against God’s design—the world doesn’t work that way. Abuse, disease, addiction, broken families, unwanted pregnancies, and fractured souls all testify to the consequences of treating sex as trivial. The world claims to be enlightened, but the brokenness all around us proves otherwise.
All this to say, as Christians, we believe sex is highly consequential. It is not meaningless—it is designed by God for a specific purpose, and when handled well, it leads to human flourishing, strong families, and a society aligned with God’s created order. But when handled poorly, chaos reigns supreme—abuse increases, families crumble, addictions take root, and regret abounds, just as Solomon warned.
Some of you may know this firsthand. You may have believed culture’s promises, only to find them empty. Maybe you kept this area of life off-limits to God, thinking you knew best. Maybe you even tried to rewrite the Bible to align with your inclinations. But now, you see the reality—you’ve bought into a lie.
But hear this: God is a Redeemer. He is not done with you. Christ, who designed sex, knows its weight and consequence better than anyone. And he came to set the captives free. No matter how deep the entanglement, his grace is greater. Your story is not over. Let him rewrite it with his love and redemption.
Q3. Is Sex Better Scattered or Channeled? (5:15-23)
15 Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. 16 Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? 17 Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. 18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, 19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. 20 Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? 21 For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths. 22 The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. 23 He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray.
This brings us to our final question: Is sex better scattered or channeled? I mean for this question to confront the implication so many make that sex is a recreational activity that is often best enjoyed when spread abroad. We are bombarded with constant portrayals of all kinds of sex—but married sex is rarely celebrated. If it is depicted at all, it is often portrayed as dull, lifeless, and boring. But, and I hate to break it to you, kids—your parents just might be having a great time.
The father’s advice to his son is clear: don’t scatter yourself around, and don’t be intoxicated by forbidden lusts (5:16, 20). Instead, channel your sexual energy into one direction—your wife. Solomon uses the imagery of water (cistern, well, springs, streams, and fountain) to illustrate that sex, like water, is life-giving and precious when contained but destructive when uncontrolled. “You wouldn’t let your water spill into the streets—it’s too valuable. In the same way, reserve your sexuality for its proper place.” He describes sex as a blessed fountain, rejoicing in marriage, delight in one’s spouse—total intoxication! (5:18-19).
For some, Solomon’s language may feel uncomfortable. But that discomfort might stem from the world’s subtle message that sex isn’t God’s invention. Yet it is, and Solomon tells his son there is radical power in it when it’s reserved for his wife alone.
Sex is like fire: great in the furnace, terrible in the forest; warming in a fireplace, destructive when burning down a house; life-giving on a stove-top, death-producing when left unchecked in wildfire. As Method Man once rapped, “No need to shop around, you got the good stuff at home.”[^4] But why is this the case? Why is married sex the biblical ideal?
Married sex is the biblical ideal because sex is so powerful it requires covenant and commitment. It is a vulnerable and naked giving of yourself to another. Its expression will always be hindered or distorted if there isn’t total safety and lifelong commitment. It is an act of whole-life vulnerability, so it doesn’t work as well when everyone can easily pack up and move on without much of a fuss.
Married sex is the biblical ideal because it still creates that old one-flesh union Genesis speaks about (Gen. 1:27). It is the melding together of minds, souls, and hearts as their bodies come together. Because of its powerful re-fusing capability, it would be dangerous with anyone you aren’t totally and completely committed to for life.
Married sex is the biblical ideal because God created it to be fulfilling and satisfying. Studies often show that monogamous, heterosexual, married couples report the highest levels of sexual satisfaction.[^5] No marriage is perfect, and many couples will struggle, but the evidence points towards the biblical ideal as the most pleasurable.
Married sex is the biblical ideal because God wants us to fill the earth and subdue it. He likes babies because they are made in his image, and he created this world to house a bunch of his image-bearers. I’m sure you’ve figured this one out, but men and women together produce babies, and babies thrive with a mom and dad who are totally committed to each other.
So, is sex better scattered or channeled? You have to decide, but God’s wisdom urges us to see marriage as the only place strong enough to contain sex. A culture that embraced this wisdom would be healthier—physically, emotionally, and financially.
Before moving on from this passage’s celebration of marital intimacy, I want to acknowledge that about half of adults in our society are not married.[^6] Proverbs is saturated with wisdom from a father to his son, but the whole counsel of God’s word is a message of Father God to his children. Does the Bible have anything to say to those who are unmarried, unable to participate in the admonitions this father gave his son?
Yes, and what I will say here is that the New Testament especially offers a rich and fulfilling vision for those who—through choice or circumstance—are unmarried. Scripture never reduces human flourishing to sexual activity. In other words, you can live a full, rich life without sex. Jesus, the perfect human, remained celibate and lacked nothing. Paul declared singleness a gift, allowing for total devotion to the Lord (1 Cor. 7:32-35). Our culture equates sex with identity and fulfillment, but the Bible calls us to find satisfaction in Christ.
Additionally, while Genesis encouraged us to fill the earth and expand our physical family, the gospel urges us to go to the ends of the earth to expand our spiritual family. Deep relational connections can be found beyond our blood relatives with those covered by the blood of Christ. And beyond marital intimacy, the New Testament points all of us to a meaningful and rich union with Christ (Eph. 5:31-32). All of this shows us that we don’t find our ultimate fulfillment in romantic and sexual relationships but in the joy and purpose that come from knowing God and living for his kingdom.
Conclusion
During this exploration of Proverbs 5, I have tried to acknowledge the weight many of us will feel as a result of our own missteps or wounds inflicted by others. Sexual sin leaves scars, but God’s wisdom isn’t here to merely expose brokenness—it invites us into healing. And no one embodies this better than Jesus.
One day, when Jesus was traveling through Samaria, in the heat of the noonday sun, he encountered a woman at a well. She came alone, it appears, to avoid the judgmental stares of her community. She’d had five husbands, and she wasn’t even married to the man she was living with now. She was thirsting for something but couldn’t find it in all those men.
But Jesus didn’t shame or ignore her—he honored and spoke to her. A Jewish rabbi, speaking with a Samaritan woman, defiled by sin? It was unheard of, but Jesus looked into her heart, saw her pain, and offered her something better: “Whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again” (John 4:14).
She had been drinking from broken cisterns. Her streams had been poured out everywhere. But Jesus told her there was another well—a living one, a spring welling up to eternal life. So she had a choice, just as we do. The world offers one kind of water—shallow and stagnant—but Christ comes to offer pure, life-giving, eternally fulfilling water that never ends. He is not hindered by our regrets. He meets us just as he met her, ready to offer himself so that we might drink of him. Let us drink the water he gives, so that out of our hearts will flow rivers of living water—if we do, we will never thirst again.
[^1]: Genesis of Gender by Abigail Favale [^2]: From Proverbs by Dane Ortlund [^3]: Love Thy Body by Nancy Pearcey [^4]: Your All I Need / I’ll Be There for You by Method Man and Mary J. Blige [^5]: C. M. K. Dush, C. L. Cohan, and P. R. Amato, “The Relationship Between Cohabitation and Marital Quality and Stability: Change Across Cohorts?” Journal of Marriage and Family 65 (2003): 539 – 49; 1994; David G. Blanchflower and Andrew J. Oswald, “Money, Sex and Happiness: An Empirical Study,” Scandinavian Journal of Economics 106 (2004): 393 – 415; Edward O. Laumann et al., The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000); Andrew Cherlin, Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage, rev. ed. (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1992). [^6]: Pew Research: https://shorturl.at/2YH5KStudy Questions
Head (Knowledge, Facts, Understanding)
1. According to Proverbs 5, how does Solomon contrast the consequences of forbidden sexual relationships with the blessings of marital faithfulness? What images and metaphors does he use to illustrate his points?
2. How does the story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife (Genesis 39:7-10) reinforce the biblical teaching on sexual integrity? What principles can we learn from Joseph’s response?
3. In what ways does Proverbs 5 emphasize that sexual sin is not just a private matter but one that affects a person’s honor, resources, and future? How does this align with what we see in our world today?
Heart (Feelings, Impressions, Desires)
4. How does our culture’s view of sex compare with the wisdom of Proverbs 5? In what ways have you personally felt the tension between these two perspectives?
5. What emotions arise as you reflect on how sexual sin has affected your own life or the lives of those around you? How does God’s grace, as seen in Jesus’ encounter with the woman at the well (John 4), bring hope in the midst of brokenness?
6. Solomon calls for “intoxication” in the love between a husband and wife (Proverbs 5:19). What does this reveal about God’s design for marital intimacy, and how does it shape your view of God’s goodness?
Hands (Actions, Commitments, Decisions, Beliefs)
7. What practical steps can you take to “keep your way far” from temptation, as Solomon advises in Proverbs 5:8? What boundaries might need to be in place for you?
8. If you have experienced sexual brokenness in any form, how can you take a step toward the redemption and healing Jesus offers? Who can you invite into that journey for accountability and encouragement?
9. How can the church better support a biblical sexual ethic while also extending grace to those who have strayed? What role can you play in fostering a culture that reflects both truth and love in this area?
