Ephesians 5:22-6:9 / Redeemed Men Look Like This

Introduction

• Creation / Creator
• Paul’s vision of Jesus in Ephesians:
  • Ephesians 1:22 (ESV) — 22 And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church,
  • Ephesians 4:15 (ESV) — 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,
    • Paul envisioned a church community which had been impacted headship of Christ.
      • But Christ’s headship must invade marriages, families, and the workplace.
• Theme: Jesus is the head of a new humanity he created, the church, and his headship must shape the marriages, families, and workplaces of his church.
  • If you repeatedly emphasize your personal peace with Christ, yet it does not impact any of your relationships, what good is that peace?
  • We have stood for the liberation of the three of the groups Paul addresses — women, children, and the working class.
    • Because Jesus did.
      • He worked as a carpenter, part of the working class, in an age that thought poverty was caused by ungodliness.
      • He invited children to come to him in an age when children were often disposed of.
      • He put women on his ministry team, even teaching them, in an age where women were seen as property.
    • Paul does not contradict Christ, but he does not respond, as so many do, by starting a new class war, generation war, or gender war.
      • So Paul saw how the new humanity of the church could positively impact marriages, families, and the workforce.
        • He will urge wives and children and workers to submit.
        • But he will also urge husbands and fathers and masters to love and nurture and serve.
      • He wants each one of us to rejoice in the redeemed and new version of us.
        • Popular notion: finding yourself.
        • He wants women and children and workers to embrace who they are in Christ.
        • And he wants men to be fully men, to run toward real manhood. Men are strong and aggressive, and there is a redeemed version of this.
          • To be united in worth does not mean we become uniform in roles.
          • The whole idea of this passage, Ephesians, and the gospel is that we are finding ourselves.

Marriage (5:22-33)

He starts on marriage.

• This is important, even though it is possible that more than half of us will be unmarried at any given time.
  • Every person on earth, married or unmarried, is impacted by the marriages of others.
  • Every person on earth, married or unmarried, will likely need to give counsel on marriage.
    • Like unmarried Jesus and Paul did.
• But it is not all-important.
  • Secular world: marriage is becoming less a right of passage and more a sign of arrival.
  • Church world: Holiness is the sign of arrival, while there are many rights of passage.

Wives: Respectfully Submit (Ephesians 5:22-24)

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

• 22-24 Submit / as to the Lord / as the church: Back to this word, Paul had just asked for mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21).
  • 22 As to the Lord:
    • Not as long as he acts like the Lord (wife error)!
    • Not as like he is the Lord (husband error)!
    • But as a way to worship the Lord!
      • Different word than obey (6:1), so marital submission different than childlike subservience; it is nuanced and together.
• 23 The husband is the head of the wife: It is clear Paul does not believe this signals any inferiority.
  • In other passages he appeals to creation to help define the role of gender in marriage and the church (1 Corinthians 11:3-12, 1 Timothy 2:11-13).
    • This is not chauvinism, but creationism.
    • Hard for us to understand, because we usually see leadership as a position to be earned, not bestowed.
      • Ex: Most schooling, highest marks, most success.
      • Men: You did not earn your leadership role in your marriage! It was bestowed on you by God himself.
• 24 Submit in everything: It is clear Paul does not think of submission as tyranny.
  • He sees authority as a responsibility for others, which makes submission healthy and good.
    • This exhortation does not permit brutality.
    • He does not say, “Wives submit, husbands boss around.”
  • Submission defined: The wife makes a choice to place herself as an equal underneath another equal, her husband. She comes under his lead, like the church does for Christ, for the effectiveness of the marriage and family.
    • Example: The church works best when Jesus is free to be the head. The marriage and family works best when the husband leads well.
    • Example: Christina told me how glad she is Jesus can correct me.

Husbands: Sacrificially Love (Ephesians 5:25-32)

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…

• 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her: They get the longer exhortation and, I think, the more difficult one (loving like Christ).
  • Christian husbands must demonstrate a love that seeks the highest good for their bride.
    • That’s what ‘agape’ love is.
    • English: our usage of the word ‘love.’
  • Husbands: Sacrificially love your wife.
    • Like Christ, who willingly laid down his life for the sheep (John 10:11, 15, 18).
    • Paul urged husbands to do something which was so uncustomary in that era — sacrificially love your wife.
      • His plea was not for a flimsy or fleeting love, but for a strong and sacrificial one.
        • His focus was not on remembering your anniversary for your wife, but remembering to die for your wife.
    • How to sacrificially love.
      • 1 Uncomfortable — leave comforts.
      • 2 Incarnate — 1 Peter 3:7 (understanding).
      • 3 Patient — Love who she has not yet become.
      • 4 Time — 3 years of living.
      • 5 Death — all throughout life.

26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives…

• 27 So that He might present the church to Himself in splendor: Radiant church (NIV).
  • This is Jesus’ goal for His bride.
    • He does this through sanctifying her with the washing of the word, which is a way He loves us.
    • Husbands are to love their wives in the same way.
  • Husbands: Sacrificially love your wife by having a game-plan for her splendor.
    • Wedding Day — she beautified herself for you, but now you beautify her.
    • Prayer: With her! For her! About her!
    • Word: Discuss! Share! Read! Listen! Grow!
    • Walk: Exemplify and model! Make her feel safe!
    • Words: Encourage! Open your heart! Share!

28b …as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

• 28-31 Own bodies / Himself / own flesh / members / one flesh:
  • Husbands: Sacrificially love your wife by living out the oneness you have with her.
    • Paul goes back to the original marriage.
      • They were married for over 900 years — with bitter history!
    • You are one in every way: spiritually, emotionally, physically.
      • SOS: lover, sister, friend, and even mother.
      • Realize your deep need for one another!
    • Husbands, consider that the two become one — she does not become you, and you do not become her, but the two become one new flesh.
      • Do not take her for granted. Think on what she has brought to change you!

Husbands and Wives: A Recap (Ephesians 5:33)

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

• However: A recap.
• Let each one of you: Concentrate on you.
  • The Bible isn’t a big marriage manual.
    • Marriages that work come from people that work — from people the Spirit is working in and through.
  • You must destroy relationship idolatry — where you hope a spouse will fulfill you.
    • Husband: Love.
    • Wife: Respect.

Family (6:1-4)

• Atmosphere of a home or workplace is invaluable.
• Today: Paul continued his vision of the new humanity of the church, the body of Christ, by teaching of the home and workplace.
  • The gospel infuses value into every life.
    • Paul’s day: Children and slaves were property.
    • Our day: Our society has benefited from gospel elevation; we know all humans have value.
      • But, because of sin, we still objectify and devalue life.
      • Pornography and abortion, for instance, say, “I am more valuable than you.” The gospel says, “we are all valuable in God’s sight.”

Children, Obey and Honor

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

• Who is the “child” in this passage?
  • Each culture has different definitions of what makes a person a minor.
  • The church does not have to cast off the norm of their culture. For us, people shift into adulthood, to varying degrees, from age eighteen to twenty-five.
• 1 Obey:
  • Fractured order in the family is a cancer.
    • One of the marks of the “times of difficulty” attached to the “last days” is that children will be “disobedient to parents” (2 Timothy 3:1-8).
      • Old Testament Israelite Law — extreme laws for rebellious sons (but there are no examples of it being carried out).
      • Bible: story of the obedient Son dying for rebellious children, making us into sons and daughters who can now obey Him.
• Primary: the one thing they must learn.
  • The Christian life can be boiled down, in a sense, to one question — Will I obey?
    • But our culture idolizes disobedience. It loves nonconformity, when people do what is right in their own eyes.
    • But you will bend your will to someone; it ought to be God.
    • Obedience prepares a child for life — friendships, educational system, career, marriage, parenthood.
• We are endued with different roles and seasons from God.
  • Parents: you have a calling and a role granted to you from your Father in heaven.
  • Many parents will do everything but teach their children obedience, instead begging, pleading, suggesting, manipulating, or giving up entirely, allowing the child to decide.
    • But do you yourself obey?

2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

• 2-3 Honor / Commandment: The fifth of the ten commandments (Exodus 20:12, Deuteronomy 5:16).
  • When you leave the “obedience” stage, you remain in the “honor” stage.
  • This is the first commandment with a promise, meaning it has an attached blessing.
• 3 That it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land:
  • What does it mean that obedience to parents would lead to a long life?
    • This isn’t magic, but wisdom.
      • For example, take our interpretation of Proverbs 16:31.
        • Proverbs 16:31 (ESV) — 31 Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.
        • This does not, foolishly, mean that anyone with gray hair has lived a righteous life.
        • It means that, especially in ancient Israel, you generally didn’t live long if you lived unrighteously.
    • So this promise from God is a way of declaring how a great life is unleashed upon children who learn to obey and honor their parents.
      • Perhaps modern parents could stand to be a little more afraid of what a lack of discipline does to their children.
      • Example: If you were notified there was a slow-impact poison in your water, you would not drink it.

Fathers, Gently Bring Up

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

• Who is Paul addressing?
  • The fathers, though some think the term (plural form) might include mothers.
    • Unfortunately, many times it has to refer to mothers.
• 4 Do not provoke your children to anger: Once again, Paul did not envision brutality or military discipline.
  • Example: Everyone else in the home is a thermometer, but the husband and father is the thermostat. He sets the temperature.
  • Christian fathers ought to be a refuge for their children.
    • Kids are safe with a dad who fears God…
      • but not a dad who thinks he is God.
      • but not a dad who runs from God.
      • but not a dad who has not received the grace of God.
  • Ways to encourage, rather than discourage, your children (biological or spiritual or adopted or relational):
    1. Walk with God: Proverbs 20:7 (ESV) — 7 The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!
    2. Read your Word / Apologize / Bring them to church / Serve God
    3. Delight in them: Proverbs 3:12 (ESV) — 12 for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.
    4. Listen / Don’t play favorites / Don’t compare / Show appropriate affection
    5. Realistically discipline them:
    6. Remove anger, excess, and overprotection.
  • 4 But bring them up: Nurture.
  • 4 Discipline: Train.
    • Parameters give children boundaries, which make them feel safety and love.
  • 4 Instruction of the Lord: Scripture.
    • Your job!
    • Deuteronomy 6:6–9 (ESV) — 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
      • Money, sex, worldview, relationships, church, work, and Scripture.

Work (6:5-9)

Workplace

Laborers, Respectfully Obey

• The situation:
  • Millions of slaves in the Roman empire (some estimate 50% were enslaved).
  • Many slaves were highly educated — physicians, lawyers, and teachers.
  • But it was harsh, as all slavery is.
    • Some slaves ran away.
    • They were bought and sold.
    • Barbaric treatment, though not widespread and slowing by the time of Christianity, was legal.
  • Many slaves came to Christ. Some masters came to Christ as well.
• Paul did not come out an condemn slavery.
  • Note: He did not promote it either.
  • Why not? Reasons[^John Stott, The Message Of Ephesians]:
    • 1 Pragmatic reasons — Christianity was a small segment of society at this point. They did not consider the possibility of changing a whole social structure.
    • 2 Circumstantial reasons — There is evidence that Romans were beginning to grant freedom to their slaves and that slave conditions were improving.
    • 3 Gospel reasons — The plan of God was not immediate upheaval, but slow death, of the slavery system. The gospel does this by giving value to people.
      • Aristotle: “the slave is a tool with a soul.”
        • Only the gospel can overturn such ignorance.
        • Example: long fuse rather than a guillotine.
      • It’s death is determined by reading between the lines. For marriage and family, Paul quotes from the Old Testament to back up its divine ordinance. He would not and does not do the same for slavery.
      • The best Christian minds have understood this.
        • Calvin (16th century) attributed it to original sin, calling it “a thing totally against all the order of nature.”[^Calvin, p. 634]
    • 4 Ecclesiastical reasons — Future generations of laborers must apply this teaching, for their situation is better than the original audience’s was. If he writes this to the slave, then the modern worker has no justification for ignoring the exhortation.

5a Bondservants, obey your earthly masters…

• 5 Bondservant, obey: Okay, let’s try to pull back from the tenderness of the subject of slavery and apply this passage to our work.
  • All work is to be ministry.
    • Catch a vision of a Christian workforce that lives this out. There is no way the gospel would not expand. No way at all.
    • It isn’t one set of rules for church and another for the “real world.” No, what Christ taught can blossom your life and business.

Attitudes of obedience:

5b With fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ:

• 1 Respectfully.

6 Not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart:

• 2 Wholeheartedly.
  • Others might despise you, but be that guy.
  • Daniel didn’t care about making friends at work.
  • You better not be people-pleasing in your workplace.
  • Too many of you are doing this.

7 Rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man:

• 3 Symbolically.
  • You can work for your boss as if they are the Lord. This is your way of serving Jesus.

8 knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free:

• 4 Sowingly.
  • Galatians 6:7–9 (ESV) — 7 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. 8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. 9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

4 Leaders, Gently Serve

9 Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

• 9 Do the same to them: How does a master obey servants? How does a leader obey laborers? This was a shocking word then, let alone now.
  • Seek their welfare.
    • Praise / affirm / train / be direct / be clear / do not manipulate / do not play favorites / PAY THEM!

Attitudes of the leader:

• 9 Stop your threatening: If you must fire someone, after giving proper warnings, just do it (Nike).
• 9 Knowing / there is no partiality with Him: He isn’t impressed with your title.

Close