Some of you may have concluded along the way that Proverbs is clearly familial household pedagogy. I say this tongue-in-cheek, but what I mean is that Proverbs functions as a curriculum or training for a wise life; it is meant to be studied, internalized, and transmitted within the family setting; it is household instruction—teaching framed within the parent-child relationship.

Throughout the book, we hear the repeated voice of a father addressing his son (Prov. 1:8, 2:1, 3:1, 3:11). But Proverbs also features the voice of the mother, even concluding with the famous oracle King Lemuel’s mom taught him (Prov. 31:1).

So Proverbs presents a vision in which both father and mother are active discipleship agents in the home. The assumption of Proverbs is that the household is the primary place for moral discernment, spiritual formation, and practical wisdom. The main author of Proverbs reflected on this:

“When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother, he taught me and said to me, ‘Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live’” (Proverbs 4:3–4).

Proverbs, written first to ancient Israelites, did not assume that godly instruction had to wait for religious feasts in Jerusalem or for weekly synagogue meetings (which, at that point, didn’t even exist). Instead, the book itself is crafted with pedagogical intent—repetition, metaphor, narrative framing, and memory devices—all pointing to a deliberate strategy for forming the heart. And this strategy is rooted not in the temple or tabernacle but in the ordinary rhythms of the home.

What This Means

Before we immediately apply these truths to our modern nuclear families, we need to recognize what this pattern reveals. Two things are worth considering:

• 1. Wisdom is relational and is transmitted relationally. It begins with the fear of the Lord and grows through connection with that God and with others. It’s not merely taught through content but formed through community—especially in the context of family life.
• 2. The household is the first arena of discipleship. Before there was formal schooling or public worship, the family was God’s designed environment for spiritual formation. And when Jesus arrived, he launched a new family. He taught in homes, referred to his disciples as his brothers and sisters, and—most of all—created a new covenant family where the family principles we’ll observe in Proverbs also apply. Proverbs is, in many ways, household theology in action—a blueprint for forming wise people through loving, authoritative relationships, in the church and in our homes.

So today, we’ll ask two questions:

1. What are parents to do?
2. What does Jesus’ new family do?

What Are Parents To Do?

I want to focus on three principles from Proverbs that transcend time. We need these truths because we are raising children in a digitally-distracted, gender-confused, ideologically-polarized achievement culture that seems laser focused, organized, and strategically innovative in its intention to shape our kids, all while we trudge along trying to pay the bills.

1. Intentionally Teach

The first principle is this: Intentionally teach. Parents are called to instruct their children in wisdom, seeing themselves as teachers who are training and preparing their children for adult living. Each child, of course, will come to their own conclusions on whether to believe the gospel and be allegiant to King Jesus. But parents are to aim at preparing their children for life and pointing them to God.

All of Proverbs begins this way.

Proverbs 1:8-9: “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.”

And it continues:

Proverbs 6:20-23: “My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck. When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you. For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life.”

This statement in Proverbs is remarkably similar to the exhortation for parents in Deuteronomy 6 to constantly teach their children the word of God—when they sit in their house, walk by the way, lie down, and rise. Here in Proverbs, that word of the Lord is blended with the wisdom of the parents, which is meant to be word-inspired.

And, of course, there is the well-known proverb:

Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Unfortunately, this verse, which comes from wisdom literature meant to provide general principles, is often read as an absolute promise by modern Christians. This not only disregards human responsibility and moral agency, but it also ignores the context of the rest of Proverbs.

• Proverbs 13:1 says that “a wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.”
• Proverbs 19:27 cries out, “Cease to hear instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge.”
• Proverbs 10:1 says that “a wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.”
• Proverbs 17:21 says, “He who sires a fool gets himself sorrow, and the father of a fool has no joy.”

All these verses help us understand that children are moral agents, and even wise, godly parenting cannot override human will. The biblical picture gives us a vision for faithful formation. Parents should intentionally shape a child’s life, especially early on, guiding them in wise, godly patterns. We would say that this formation tends to, but is not guaranteed to, stick throughout life.

In short, parents should intentionally teach and train their children in God’s wisdom, especially when they are small. Little Bible studies, family devotions, and reading through age-appropriate devotionals or picture Bibles are great ways to establish the importance of God’s Word in a child’s heart. Children will ask incredible questions that keep you on your theological toes. As they grow, you’ll find yourself seeing different ways to communicate God’s wisdom to them throughout the day—as you work on family finances, make decisions about worship, commit to service, or talk to them about good and evil.

For my part, I always tried to treat church, children’s ministry, or youth group like the cherry on top: a pure bonus because the primary source of biblical insight was the home. This is one great reason why many parents have adopted a “no screens or headphones in the car” approach. Often, as we travel from place to place, communication, connection, teaching, and training can unfold.

2. Delight with Discipline

Secondly, according to Proverbs, parents are expected to delight with discipline. Discipline throughout the book is not portrayed as punishment but as loving, formative correction that is helpful to the shaping of the human heart.

Proverbs 13:24: “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”

Proverbs 22:15: “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.”

Proverbs 23:13-14: “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with a rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.”

Now, it’s not my aim today to give a lecture on the benefits of corporal punishment and how “back in my day, that was the jam.” In fact, I think the difficult medicine of “the rod” spoken of here, whatever it is, went down a lot easier in the sugar of that godly, ancient Israelite society than it often does in our chaotic world.

I would hate for anyone with addiction issues, unresolved trauma, or a lack of their own discipleship to grab hold of verses like these. Far too many parents lash out in anger, and that is never the idea of discipline. Hebrews 12:6 shows us the Lord’s way:

Hebrews 12:6: “The Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”

This is why I say parents are meant to delight in their children, providing discipline when needed. That Hebrews 12:6 quote is lifted directly from Proverbs 3:11-12, which tells us that “the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father, the son in whom he delights.”

Delight in your children. Play with them. Make fun memories with them. Parenting isn’t only about instruction; it should include habits of celebration and play. I recognize that parenting and life are tiring, but some of the sweetest words I’ve ever heard are, “Dad, play with me.”

And because you delight in your children but also understand that folly is bound up in the heart of a child, you’ll conclude it is absolutely unloving to refuse to discipline them. One of the worst things you could do to your child is refuse to shape them through discipline. If you delight in them, you should long to give them training to help them become everything they are meant to be.

An Example: The Holdridge Family Discipline Plan

In my notes online, I’ll include a handful of parenting books I’ve come to respect. Here, I’ll share the Holdridge family rules from when our children were in their younger, formative years (2-10 or so). We had four rules. Anytime one of those rules was violated, the child would sit for a timeout for as many minutes as they were years old. A three-minute timeout for a three-year-old. They would fold their hands quietly, and before they started, we would tell them, “This is the rule that you broke.” At the end of the timeout, we would ask them, “What do you say?” If they said, “I am sorry for…” and named the rule they broke, we would pray with them and hug them. But if they refused, that’s when they would get a punishment. Our four rules were simple:

1. Obey your parents.
2. Be respectful.
3. Be kind to others.
4. Have a pleasant attitude.

We felt those four simple rules helped us train our children and have a plan for discipline. This is all I’m proposing—not that you adopt our plan, but that you, if you’re in that stage of life, develop a plan and stay consistent with it. Consistency is key.

3. Cultivate a Godly Atmosphere

This leads me to my final exhortation for parents. According to Proverbs, good parents will cultivate a godly atmosphere in the home. We all know that the home atmosphere shapes us in distinct and subtle ways. The environment of a household matters deeply.

A godly home will have the fear of the Lord. This theme recurs in Proverbs because the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and wisdom (Proverbs 1:7; 9:10). Without this foundation, families are susceptible to every wind of cultural doctrine that can veer them off course. I’m not talking about a joyless home that avoids art, music, and fun, nor a hyper-religious environment filled with platitudes and pretense. I’m envisioning a home where God is central. Where His Word, mission, and grace shape the family’s life.

In a home that fears the Lord, there’s space for joy, laughter, play, and refreshment—without those things becoming idols. God is the center. His grace reverberates through the walls. Forgiveness, humility, and mercy are regular guests.

A godly home will pursue emotional maturity. Proverbs acknowledges that some homes are torn apart by anger and unrestrained speech. “A man of quick temper acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated” (Proverbs 14:17). “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding” (Proverbs 17:27). And, “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18). Proverbs values emotional self-control and recognizes that relational harmony is cultivated through wise speech and calm responses.

A godly home will prioritize God over everything. Proverbs 15:16–17 says, “Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble with it. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it.” By focusing on treasure and abundance, the author is saying God should be prioritized above everything else.

When material prosperity—or any other aim—becomes more important than pursuing God, the atmosphere of a home can deform. It can lead to neglect of children, misaligned values, pressure to perform, and erosion of simple joys—like shared meals, conversation, or just laughing together.

I was just reading an interview with actress Ayo Edebiri from the hit show The Bear. She spoke glowingly of her family’s radical commitment to twice-weekly church gatherings. It formed and shaped her. What her parents were doing was setting a tone and modeling how to prioritize God over everything.

A godly home will—when possible—cultivate a healthy marriage. We recognize that not every home includes both parents, and we are deeply grateful for the single parents in our church. We also recognize many devoted believers are married to someone disinterested in the Kingdom of God. But for those who are married, investing in your marriage is one of the best things you can do for the health of your home. Proverbs repeatedly warns about the dangers of sexual unfaithfulness and praises marital fidelity. “Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home” (Proverbs 27:8). When a husband and wife refuse to stray but instead pour into their relationship, the whole family—and church—benefits.

Whatever your season of life, prioritize pursuing your spouse. Pray together. Walk together. Date each other. Make time for each other that isn’t just leftover or exhausted. I know date nights get mocked, often seen as cliché or mechanical. But for us, starting weekly date nights before we had kids—and keeping them up for over 20 years—has been deeply formative. During the early parenting years, we had to fight for it, trust others with our children, and make financial sacrifices. But we prioritized it, and God provided. Those weekly connections became a foundation that steadied us.

As I speak of the fear of the Lord, emotional maturity, prioritizing God, and marital health, I imagine many of your hearts are leaping forward into the New Testament. We are a people who, by faith in Jesus, have the Spirit of the living God dwelling within us. We can reflect the nature of Christ—peaceful, loyal, humble, reverent—in our homes. The atmosphere we cultivate in our households, according to Proverbs and the wider biblical story, should look and feel increasingly like Jesus is living there with us.

What Does Jesus’ New Family Do?

But, for as nice as all this sounds, what if you don’t have kids? What if your upbringing was chaotic and painful? Is there any hope beyond the home? These questions and their underlying realities lead us to our second question today: What does Jesus’ new family do?

This is an important question to ask—especially in our culture and time, where fractured families and broken relationships are common. On top of that, within some church cultures, the family has been idealized—or even idolized—precisely because of all this brokenness. When Jesus arrived, he redefined—or at least re-centered—family around himself.

He would often say things like, “Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother” (Matthew 12:50; cf. Mark 3:31–35; Luke 8:19–21). This was not a dismissal of his natural family but a hint that family identity would now be centered around obedience to God.

After his resurrection and ascension, Jesus instituted the church as “the household of God” (Eph. 2:19; 1 Tim. 3:15; Gal. 6:10). One of the great works of Christ is that he created, through his cross, one new family composed of all nations—male and female, slave and free—brought together not by DNA but by his blood.

One of the major components of salvation is adoption. When we trust in Christ, we are adopted into God’s family. Paul said in Romans 8:15 that we have received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” John echoed this in his Gospel: “To all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, born not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God” (John 1:12–13).

Jesus did not abolish the family, but he did reorient it. The church today is the continuation and fulfillment of the biblical vision of a multi-generational, wisdom-formed, Spirit-filled household. The church is the family Jesus started.

So, how should the church function more like a family? In light of the book of Proverbs and Jesus’ redefinition of family, here are five key household dynamics.

First, the church is a place of instruction and formation. Just as the household in Proverbs was the environment of training, the church is a deep environment of shaping lives. The regular rhythm of returning to the gathering each week—or joining in smaller groups—forms us. Generations intermingling, as Paul describes in Titus 2, helps the church function as a place of discipleship. We should see our church not merely as a place to experience God or find community but as a place where pulpits, classrooms, reading groups, and conversations form us into wise and godly people.

Second, the church should provide loving correction and wise guidance. Truthing in love is part of healthy church life. Just as the family in Proverbs was expected to discipline, the church should normalize confession, repentance, and gentle restoration. These are basic ingredients of family life, and they must be part of church life as well.

Third, we should nurture faithful covenant relationships. The family in Proverbs was blessed by the faithful marriage of the father and mother. A healthy household is marked by deep commitment, and the same should be true of the church. We are not an event to attend; we are a family to belong to. Some of us will marry, and some will remain single, but all of us should cultivate mutual commitment to one another in Christ.

In sports, when your contract is up, you become a free agent. Many Christians love the idea of being spiritual free agents—uncommitted to any local church. But here’s the thing about free agents: they’re not playing the game. They’re not on the field; they’re not part of the team’s pursuit of the goal. And free-agent Christians are not meaningfully participating in the mission of God. When the church functions like a family, it’s committed to each other.

Fourth, the church should cultivate household peace through emotional maturity. Proverbs values emotional maturity. Quick tempers and unchecked speech harm the atmosphere of any home—or church. In many churches, it is often emotionally immature who, through their brashness or loud opinions, steer the culture, but that should not be. We should value wisdom and maturity, not volume and drama.

Fifth, we should expect our formation to occur most often in the context of the church community. Too much spiritual formation is attempted in total isolation, but Proverbs suggests the best transformation comes in the context of a family learning and growing together. As fathers, mothers, brothers, and sisters all interacted under the operating principle of the fear of the Lord, they shaped and molded one another in positive ways. We know this to be true—it is helpful to read that fathers should not exasperate their children (Eph. 6:4)—and fathers should commit to that command—but it is incredibly helpful to watch a godly dad gently discipline his children when they need it. Watching is a form of learning, and watching often occurs in the Christian community.

Concluding Exhortation

So, I would encourage you: be part of the family of God. If you are a Christian, then positionally—even unconsciously—you are already part of God’s family. But if you’re resisting community, if you’re holding the church at arm’s length, you are not living as the person you’ve been remade to be in Christ. There will be an ache deep within because you were created and redeemed for this family.

Psalm 68:6 says, “God sets the lonely in families. He leads out the prisoners with singing, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.”

Let God set you into his family. Salvation is not just reconciliation with God as an individual—it is also entrance into a covenant community. It replaces the isolation of sin with the fellowship of grace.

When I was a child, my parents slowly discovered that I was left-handed. Most people are not. They weren’t. Everyone assumed I would be right-handed like most others. But over time, my left-handedness became clear. I would pick up a utensil, throw a ball, attempt to draw—and I favored my left hand. Thankfully, my parents let me live that reality.

If you are in Christ, you are part of God’s family. But if you keep the church at a distance, you are not living out who you really are. Your left-handedness, so to speak, is being suppressed. The truest you is neglected.

Let us be a people who fully enter into and partake of the family of God.

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Recommended Reading

• 1. Shepherding a Child’s Heart – Tedd Tripp: A biblical guide to parenting that focuses on shaping the heart through gospel-centered discipline and authority.
• 2. The Ministry of Motherhood – Sally Clarkson: Encourages intentional spiritual, emotional, and social training of children through daily nurturing and planned influence.
• 3. Twelve Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid – Dr. Tim Elmore: Identifies common parenting missteps that hinder growth and offers practical wisdom for raising resilient, capable kids.
• 4. Bringing Up Girls – James C. Dobson: Explores the unique needs of daughters and how parents can purposefully shape their character and identity.
• 5. Bringing Up Boys – James C. Dobson: Offers insight into raising emotionally healthy and spiritually strong boys amid cultural confusion.
• 6. The Tech-Wise Family – Andy Crouch: Challenges families to reclaim depth and formation by radically reordering life away from screens and toward wisdom.
• 7. Like Dew Your Youth – Eugene H. Peterson: Invites parents to grow spiritually alongside their teenagers, modeling vibrant faith during the identity-forming years.
• 8. Raising Passionate Jesus Followers – Phil Comer & Diane Comer: Provides a roadmap for raising children who genuinely love and follow Christ with heart, mind, and behavior.
• 9. Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family – Paul David Tripp: Centers parenting on the gospel, showing how grace and truth can reshape every aspect of family life.
• 10. Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens – Paul David Tripp: Equips parents to view the teen years as strategic and hope-filled for gospel influence and heart transformation.
• 11. Doing Life With Your Adult Children – Jim Burns: Guides parents through the delicate balance of support and independence as children transition into adulthood.